2283| 85
|
沧浪绝句三期第二讲春华组作业贴 |
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| ||
| |
| |
点评
题目是夏日乘凉,但三四句扣题不紧,闲言二字用词不太准确,纳凉欢过于直白,多琢磨一下
| ||
点评
好强二字带贬义用词不准确,忠孝二字是否过宽?写母亲用这两字不太适合。
| ||
点评
四句布局过于散乱,主题不太清晰,句用词平淡无奇,乌衣指代不明,费疑猜,疑猜二字一个意思,炼词不够,需要加强
| ||
| |
| |
| |
| |
| ||
有点冷,但血是热的!有点高傲,但从不骄傲!
|
||
点评
三句无否定无转折,可再斟酌
| ||
| ||
| |
| |
| |
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
|小黑屋|手机版|嘤鸣诗社
( 湘ICP备17006309号-1 )
GMT+8, 2025-7-9 10:41
Powered by Discuz! X3.4
Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.